My Words
Somehow somewhere along the line I lost the urge to use my words the way I always do. I can't speak them and more importantly I can't write them down. Whether it is here in my blog or in the work I have yet to start on (all 7 of them) which have been due last week.
The inspiration has always been there but whenever I hold a pen or sit here with my fingers touching the keys I can't seem to start and not stop until I'm done. Even now I'm having so much difficulty writing a whole sentence. That's also the reason why I deleted my last post. The truth is there wasn't one. I just couldn't do it.
I don't know what happened. They just stopped flowing through my head.
Right now I'm doing this to try and re-inspire myself to go for as long as I can and keep typing the words till they start flowing again but with every finished sentence I have to sit and think hard about what to write next.
I guess I just can't do it anymore.
The words just don't mean anything to me anymore. Even words that aren't personal.
I always find a way to fix anything "broken", in me or in someone else. There was always a solution, another perspective not previously thought of that I caught on and build upon but this time I just don't see it. I just don't know what is the solution to this. If I don't find one soon I'll probably flunk out of college and end up with nothing again. I know what you're thinking, writer's block. This isn't writer's block.
This is something else entirely.
I guess it has something to do with how the general perception of who I am seemed to escalate rapidly and whenever I try to defend or "repair" it just gets shrugged aside. Since then I just stopped caring about what I was to anyone anymore. I still remember who I am though. As hard as it is to just be myself sometimes I realized that no matter what I turn into I will always know what I won't give up. Even if it's reduced to just an inch of my being.
The inspiration has always been there but whenever I hold a pen or sit here with my fingers touching the keys I can't seem to start and not stop until I'm done. Even now I'm having so much difficulty writing a whole sentence. That's also the reason why I deleted my last post. The truth is there wasn't one. I just couldn't do it.
I don't know what happened. They just stopped flowing through my head.
Right now I'm doing this to try and re-inspire myself to go for as long as I can and keep typing the words till they start flowing again but with every finished sentence I have to sit and think hard about what to write next.
I guess I just can't do it anymore.
The words just don't mean anything to me anymore. Even words that aren't personal.
I always find a way to fix anything "broken", in me or in someone else. There was always a solution, another perspective not previously thought of that I caught on and build upon but this time I just don't see it. I just don't know what is the solution to this. If I don't find one soon I'll probably flunk out of college and end up with nothing again. I know what you're thinking, writer's block. This isn't writer's block.
This is something else entirely.
I guess it has something to do with how the general perception of who I am seemed to escalate rapidly and whenever I try to defend or "repair" it just gets shrugged aside. Since then I just stopped caring about what I was to anyone anymore. I still remember who I am though. As hard as it is to just be myself sometimes I realized that no matter what I turn into I will always know what I won't give up. Even if it's reduced to just an inch of my being.
A good heart is what I have she said.
What use is a good heart if it can't feel anything.
Till Next Time
Ki//joy
What use is a good heart if it can't feel anything.
Till Next Time
Ki//joy
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